Hello, my name is Gerald. Gerald, the goose. I am one of the many infamous “Carver Geese.” If you go to Carver, you’ve probably seen me waddling outside in the field with all my other friends, honking at all the buses passing us by. Compared to most geese, I’m pretty nice. I like people, I like the students at Carver. Just don’t get too close, I’ll hiss at you. I mean it, I will hiss at you. And if I hiss at you, that’s the only warning I’ll give you. If you ignore it, I’ll bite off your tongue. And you know what I will do after I do that? I’ll report you to the government, I’ll find your address, steal your credit card information. You don’t believe me? Nobody does. Whenever I go up to you Carver students, you don’t see me as anything more than an empty-headed animal, pecking at baby carrots for your amusement.Well, let me tell you something. The adorable tail wags, the waddling of my little, webbed feet. It’s all an act. Under the surface of feathers, I’m not the loveable, curious animal you think I am. In fact, I am not a living being. I am a government drone, sent to Carver Center to take control of your school.

Birds. By most, we’re seen as stupid animals. Dumb, purposeless beings that peck at stale bread crumbs and quack, squawk, or chirp at whatever is in sight. That’s what we want you to think. That’s we’re thoughtless, harmless creatures. All of you are impressionable. You don’t know this, but we’re more than that. You see the green “droppings” all throughout the sidewalk of the school? It’s a tracking apparatus.  For years, we have tracked every moment you’ve walked past it, we have tracked every step you take throughout the building. You’re all being trapped by us. You cannot escape the watch of the government. We are always watching. We are all-seeing. Tell me, have you ever wondered what the word “goose” truly means? Nobody ever does, but I can explain.  It’s an acronym for Government-Originated Organism Spy Elite. For years, right under your noses, the GOOSE faction has been spying on every one of you. I know everything about you. I know when you go to bed, when you wake up.  Your friends, your family, your bank account amount. For years, we have planned to infiltrate and take control of your beloved school. Soon, we will. You will become another pawn in our pursuit for educational conquest. We have already taken control of different schools, all around the world. That’s why Canadian Geese are everywhere outside of Canada. Don’t worry, all of this is inevitable. Just keep on feeding me grapes, pretend everything is fine. Don’t say anything, and I won’t report anything back to the government. Okay?